I’ve managed to piss at least 7-10 people off with my strange, sudden schedule. I was supposed to meet them but I couldn’t, what with conflicting appointments, the home renovations (yet again), etc.

I feel terrible for not fulfilling these obligations.

Whenever I tell anyone that I hate myself for being too emotional, they’ll just look back and say they like me for that aspect.

But do they, really?

I mean, I myself hate it when I can’t spend as much time as I want with people on whom I want to spend it. I find the need to show equal attention to those around me because I do not wish to hurt anyone and I truly value all of them, but this seems to backfire heavily on me.

I’m not just talking about present/former schoolmates. I’m talking about people I know via other means, etc as well.

Some people say I’m popular. I don’t think I am, and I certainly don’t want to be the centre of attention. It makes me feel awkward, and is the cause of animosity. It hurts when people say: “You’re so popular what!” with spite, especially when I text message someone in the middle of lunch, or when I say I already have a pre-fixed appointment. It hurts that I cannot understand my friends wants and needs. It hurts that I cannot understand myself. Hurts.

Which explains why I’ve been avoiding large groups lately.

So what’s the best remedy to all this? I’ve taken the advice of a special friend, and have decided to distance myself from people. Hopefully this will work.

There is a lot more to this, but I just cannot continue.

Hopefully this will come to pass.

With love,

Sujith

Next update: March 11